Cloud Providers Have Different Personalities: Whom Do They Remind You Of?

I recently wrote a blog post about the Pentagon’s decision to go multicloud instead of opting for a Microsoft Azure-only strategy. Because, after all, it IS the age of multicloud and polyclouds and hybrid clouds, and, well, it got me thinking about characterizing different vendors’ clouds and how those cloud vendors differ from one another. Some day I’ll get more serious and explain the functional differences, but not today. 

Today I’ll give each cloud vendor different personalities and see how these all map out—because sometimes technology just needs to be fun. Some of these I think are spot on. Others are a bit drier. Tweet your own versions of these personas to me at @leeatchison with the hashtag #crazyclouds.

How the many cloud vendors differ

  • AWS. The alluring potential partner that seems too good to be true, and probably is at some level. But you have to give ’em a try. After all, everyone else thinks they are super hot.
  • Google Cloud Platform. The younger sister who seems like they are good for you, but then they drive you absolutely out … of … your … mind … crazy, yet again.
  • Microsoft Azure. The friend who you know in your heart probably has your best interests in mind, but you just can’t listen to what they are trying to tell you. What they are saying just doesn’t quite work for you.
  • IBM Cloud. The older uncle who smokes a cigar and always has sage advice for you … and always manages to tell it to you, whether you want to listen to him or not.
  • Salesforce. Your dad who is always annoying, but, in the end, you’d actually do almost anything for him. He is your dad, after all. And he’s been there for everything.
  • Oracle Cloud. The crazy aunt with all the cats in her house. Way … too … many … cats.
  • HP Cloud Services. Your high school principal. The one who kept lecturing you in school when you messed up, but now you can safely ignore and you have no idea what they are doing anymore, anyway.
  • Digital Ocean. Your neighbor from down the hall that you usually can just ignore—unless there is a package you need them to pick up from your doorway.
  • Verizon Cloud. The cousin who runs around and is annoying and just won’t leave you alone, as much as you try to avoid them.
  • Dell Cloud. The old flame from high school who you are surprised to find out is still a player. What was their name again?
  • Pivotal Cloud Foundry. The crazy guy from junior high school. What was his name again? Oh, who the heck cares, he doesn’t matter anymore anyway.
  • Cisco Cloud Platform. Your old high school sweetheart. The one that won’t leave you alone now and keeps popping up everywhere you look.
  • Apple iCloud. Huh? Who are you?

These are my attempts. What do you think? How would you describe them differently?

— Lee Atchison @leeatchison #crazyclouds ✍️

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